Stop Footing Around

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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sound of zipper

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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Whats small, rough, and painful to put in your ass? Sandpaper

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You got some junk in the trunk, can I dump my load in there too?

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Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

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My greatest strength is my self-deprecating sense of humor, but its probably not worth getting to know me.

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Female: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Male: I'm actually a broom in disguise.

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!