Male: You're so beautiful. Female: Well thank you. Male: Yeah, you look just like my Mom.

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Give me some sugar... honey.

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Man: Are you from heaven? Man: Cause ive got an erection

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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hey baby do you fart? (much embaressed she awser)yeah,why? i knew that was a lie when they said that pretty girls don't fart

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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"Hi. You're looking mightily mediocre and I would like to buy you a medium priced drink."

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- If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put I and U together. - Would you also change it so that I is an object, therefore making your previous sentence grammatically correct? And besides, I already organized the alphabet so that N and O are right next to each other.

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Hey baby, let me take you to heaven.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Sickman Fraud: Hmm you look remotely alike my mother... Woman: Uh? Sickman Fraud: Yes fucking you should das probably give me some release, die reason to resist me is not necessary, you envy my pingas and I can assign it to you if you put on this ugly wig and yell "bad boy" whilzt I das fukte das rassenhol... Woman: OMG SICK! Moral: The father of modern psychology? Seriously?! I was going for a bachelor in psychology studies, but its just disgusting.

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if u were a triangle u'd be an obtuse one fat ass

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Are you a broom? Cause you look like a rather dull, inanimate object that collects dust.

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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What happens if an Internet troll has a heart attack Doesn't matter nobody will care

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Girl: How come you never look at me when we make love? Guy: Your face is taking away the memory of your sister's.

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Are you from Austrailia? Because I'd like to put my tongue in your butthole

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together -The order of the alphabet is arbitrary. It's not my fault that you kept U and I apart.

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!