wow youre really pretty... just kidding youre fat

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Me about four years ago: Girl: So what do you do? Me: I am an author. Girl: Cool! So like what do you write and stuff? Me: I am on my third book I am writing for Tom Clancy. Girl: Get outta here! You are so full of shit! This kinda happened a lot of times actually. ...Its true, then he died, now I am trying to rewrite the whole piece of crap into science fiction, yeah! Come sue me CLANCY! Do you think ANYBODY thought that you could write like 732 books a year? (Even though they where pieces of shit, I would know, mine are still the worst rated, but not worst selling because I dont know)

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fancy going halves on a bastard?

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Guy: Are you an angel? Girl: Wait till I die, i'll be one.

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Is there someone behind you? cause im seeing people behind your back

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Heard at a bra: Hi I am Moral man, the third most infamous guy at a list where Beiber is first. Girl: OMG I MUST HAVE YOU! Moral: ooooh... ANTI Joke duh... I thought this was great pickup lines!

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Male: What's on your mind? Female: How bad you must be at sex.

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do you like cows? no! i am a cow! oh!

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Hey this is crazy and I just met you so here's the kitchen a sandwich maybe?

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-words can't describe how beautiful you are. -aaaawwwwwwww. -but numbers can. 3/10. -fffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

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HIM: Where have you been all my life? HER: I don't think I was born the first half of it

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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girl: i like you boy with downs: i liek trains

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. -Nah, i already like it the way it is, with N and O beside each other

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Im gonna rape you..

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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Hey girl, do you have a map? Becuase I keep getting lost when i try to find your house.

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Give me everything tonight, or you might not see tomorrow. RAPIST!

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I'll drop my standards, if you drop your pants ;)

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My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I accidentally gave her the glue stick, she is still not talking to me.

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sex me.

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Hey, do you want to dance? No.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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yo im will smith yo, thats my name and I was juzz wonderin if you ever you know like the beach or bbq because stuff happen yanno and while I do some rap id just belieeve that things are a bit crazy these times so I was thinking maybe ill ask you out right? But then I was like WHAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAA and... Hey gurl where you goin im just getting warmed up. Moral: I met the guy, day one I had a great day, day two I didnt get any sleep and now I hate him, the end.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!