Me 17 years old at a bar: Me: Hey there! Girl: Let me stop you there, you seem confident, you for real or just trying to look confident? Me: uuuuuuh.... Girl leaves. Moral: It was not until that day I realized that being confident at hitting on girls alone don't really get you anywhere.

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Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

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sound of zipper

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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What's the difference between a duck? An orange

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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My dog just died so now you're my only Bitch.

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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Mmm baby....I want you to stick your Gaberwalkie in my bandersnatch.. ;)

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Nerdy Pokemon Pickup he: i want to squirrtle on your jigglypuff she: I want to boulder smash your face

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Male - Your a sight for sore eyes Female - And your a sight that causes sore eyes

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-hey baby whats your sign? -no parking anytime

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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- Do you wanna play the rape game? - NO! - That's the spirit!

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Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

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Ever had violent sex with a murderer/rapist? ;) ;)

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You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

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What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

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Hey nice shoes....Wanna F***?

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"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!