Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

thumb_up thumb_down +53

Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

thumb_up thumb_down -104

He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If i could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'I' and 'U' together. Really? Cos' I like it just the way it is... With 'N' and 'O' together.

thumb_up thumb_down -47

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -81

You're like a can of condensed milk. Short, thick, and sweet.

thumb_up thumb_down +8

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +44

I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Roses are red, Violets are blue, The holocaust was a disaster, and so are you.

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

thumb_up thumb_down +148

What happend to the blue duck that had purple and pink stars on it ? Nothing happend to the blue dick that had purple and pink stars on it Wait A second...

thumb_up thumb_down +68

You know, you can't spell "stud" without STD and U

thumb_up thumb_down -61

I might not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you

thumb_up thumb_down -50

"I lost my virginity! Can I have yours?"

thumb_up thumb_down -13

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Are you a computer technician? Because you turn my hardware into software.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

thumb_up thumb_down +162

Man: You got such beautiful eyes... they are so round and sensual, so full of life and bouncy and... Woman: Those are not my eyes! Man: TITS! I meant TITS! Damn I thought I had screwed up my chance to pound you`re ass for a second there... PHEW!

thumb_up thumb_down +24

roses are red violets are twisted bend over b**** your about to get fisted

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Hey girl! Faggot.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!