Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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What's your favorite condiment? Mine's mayonaise.

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Girl: You look so happy, I am glad this is working out. Freud: Maaaaan I was just thinking about fucking my mom! Moral: Sickman Fraud.

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You're ugly, but you intrigue me.

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Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

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i want a blowjob bitch *lifts her hijab*

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Stop Footing Around

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Roses are red Violets are blue Go out with me Or you face'll be those colors, too!

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Happy BirthdaySean!

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Real life anti Joke mambo number five: Me: Hey wanna do it? Girl: I am a nun now remember? Me: Yeah but I always wanted to do it with a nun ;). Moral: She forgave me, nine years later :P

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-You know I've always had a thing for blondes -thats funny, i've always had a thing for girls

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Hey... wanna hang out with a guy that thumbs ups his own comments? ;)

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did you fall from heaven, cause i forgot my library card.

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sound of zipper

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Female=You Son of a B*tch! Male=Hi Mum!

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Guy: (any sexual pick up line) Girl: I'm sorry but I don't think there is enough room in my pants for two assholes.

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He: You're as pretty as a picture. She: Thank you. He: Unfortunately, it's a picture of shit. She: -__-

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At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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I'll never forget the day I swept you off of my feet.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!