Yeah... you'll have to do.

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I'd hit that.... with a truck.

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hey angel you duh sexy , if you duh rice i eat you everyday-pha haha

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Is there a mirror in your pants? If so, you should shove it up your ass, it would probably make you look better.

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he got me some KY jelly for valentines day saying it was going to make me the happiest woman in the world he was right one squirt of that stuff on my doorknob and he couldn't get in no matter how hard he tried

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you ascended from the depths of hell and broke through the earth's crust?

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Guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put U and I together. Girl: That's funny because I'd put F and U together.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Female: yes, why? Male: because Tennessee has great food. Do you think we could travel there together.

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Boy- Can I buy you a drink? Girl- Sure, after seeing your face I'll need the strongest thing that they have.

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i wanna see your dick? i cant seem to find it...... sorry

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I think your cute. I though you were cute, until I saw you...

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Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

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Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

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Why couldnt susie see out her window? She was not home, see was to busy drowning in the ocean.

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GUY: are you trash? cuz i'd like to take you out friday night GIRL: are you trash? cuz you smell like it

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-Hey baby, what's yo sign? - U Turn

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If I said you had a beautiful body I'd be lying.

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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He: Will we have sex tonight? She: Yes, only I don't know with who you will.

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the most beatiful woman I have ever seen, so could you move out the way please

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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Gaywatch starts

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Real life again: I was about sixteen: Girl: Hey I hear you are good at tekken tag! Me: Yeah, but I dont play videogames anymore (a lie in order to appear "cooler") Girl: I am pretty good too! I love Kuma and Panda Me: Well, okay... Girl: Want to play with me? Me: Meh... Girl: But I really want to play with you if you know what I mean ;) Me: I dont play tekken... Girl: Not even... "Tekken" ;) ;) Me: Nah... Moral: I am a late bloomer to say the least...

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" Grab your coat love ...it's cold in my basement"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!