MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

I have a really big..... Bank Account

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

- You look really nice - I know

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

Lesbihonest

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

can i austrailian kiss you, its like a french kiss but down under

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

Vader getting it on ;): My sexual prowress overcomes even the power of the dark side. Can you even have sex? ... Uh... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!