wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Boy: whats your name? Girl: i dont know, im just s fetus

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Ever kissed a bunny inbetween the ears? Nope. I'm allergic to them.

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Male: Hey baby you wanna play telephone, i got the string and you got the cans! Female: ...

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Are your prices by the hour

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you in between F and CK.

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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What did you do to Kelly? Why? Because she said you did her good(; What? Cuz' I heard you did that goood thing(; When? Last night on the bed, 3am(;

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-My girlfriend and I want different things out of our relationship. -She wants marriage, children and a house. -I just want out.

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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all in all it was a good orgy

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guy: hey do you know how to sly a dragon? girl:No. guy: well your no help.

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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Penis. I got it

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!