Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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Penis. I got it

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wanna go halves on a b*stard?

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Man: "Did you fall from heaven? 'Cause it looks like you landed on your face"

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A: Did I see you walking out of that bar or was it an angel? :D B: I'm your mom you pervert.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Are your prices by the hour

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You're so hot that if someone threw a grenade at you, I'd probably throw it back because falling on it sounds like a really dumb idea.

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Did it hurt? When I fell from Heaven? NO! WHen you were shot up from hell for stealing my pick up line!!!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: When you fell from the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Do you work for UPS? 'Cause i could swear that you were checking out my package.

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I don't have a library card but do you mind if I check you out?

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Hi I'm Shaniqua.

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Man: Hey sexy, I think I have seen you many times before... Woman: Hmmm... I do not think I have seen you before... Man: Do you happen to be used to getting raped? Woman:...... Moral: yeah it was her :( Audience: BOOOOOOOOOO! Moral: I know :(

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hey did you fall from heaven? because my car is all smashed up.

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Do you like a trimmed bush? Because I'm a gardener. Here's my business card, call me, seriously I need the work.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Whats yo sign? Do not enter!

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A polar bear and a penguin were taking a bath. The polar bear asked the penguin to pass the soap. the penguin responded by saying,"What do i look like a microwave?"

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Are you a parking ticket because I'm spending all my money on you and wish you were gone.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!