- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Chick:- Don't worry, we all get nervous when we meet people. My brother: yeah, but my buttcrack gets sweaty & smelly when i get nervous!

I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

Business Y U No Advertise?

roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence

GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book