You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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"Next!"

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!