You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

thumb_up thumb_down +142

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

thumb_up thumb_down +110

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down +106

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

thumb_up thumb_down -46

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

thumb_up thumb_down -78

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

thumb_up thumb_down +61

Still a better love story than Twilight

thumb_up thumb_down -23

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

thumb_up thumb_down -51

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

thumb_up thumb_down +130

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

thumb_up thumb_down +116

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

thumb_up thumb_down +82

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

thumb_up thumb_down +62

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

thumb_up thumb_down +4

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

thumb_up thumb_down -10

"Next!"

thumb_up thumb_down +127

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

thumb_up thumb_down +109

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

thumb_up thumb_down +65

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

thumb_up thumb_down -55

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

thumb_up thumb_down -75

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

thumb_up thumb_down +70

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!