You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

Still a better love story than Twilight

I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

"Next!"

-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

If I could rearange the alphabet id put "I-W-A-N-T-S-E-X-Y-O-U together. SIr, not really but that was kinda impressive. Me: I know...

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!