Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

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guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

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-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

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all in all it was a good orgy

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G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

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Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

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Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

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Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

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"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

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Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

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So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

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Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

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-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

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Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

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If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

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Hey, you want a ride?

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I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

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Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

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-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

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Man: Hey, I've been kinda watching you through the night and I'd really be mad if I didn't talk to you tonight. So um, do you want to grab a bite to eat sometime or something? Woman: I'm married but you seem like a nice guy so yea... yea, I'd like that alot.

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Your butt is so big that I would propably lose intrest during sex.

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Aww seriously dude? That would be awesome, gotta warn you though, this car repair dude, is really ripping my shirt off but you know, ill send you the bill. 666 (my phone is on the charger, get me a new one and ill write a fucking essay about my sisters ass and post it here I really need a phone)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!