-Hey sit on my face and I will guess your weight

How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

Sosiopath vs How I met your mother: Kids, this is how I met your mother. I saw her at some store, I said "Hey sexy" She told me to fuck off, so I raped her, got out of prison years later, and kids, that is how I met your mother. ...Why I am leaving? Did I ever fucking say I was your father? I Just came here to tell you I raped and killed her after serving my time which was about 2 minutes, so kids, that is how I killed your mother. YOU ARE WELCOME BY THE WAY! Ungrateful kids... Moral of the story: If they are your kids, just say no and get away, and kill Robin for better television. Bonus because nobody loves you :( Me? People either love me around here, or you know... cough... psst...rapeandie? Lets keep that a secret between us and EEEEEVEEEERYBODY ELLLLLLLSSEEEEEE (SECRET ABOVE ALERT ALERT ALERT!) Sosiopath vs Grounded for life Moral: Shot the little kid, nobody will notice, not even his own family.

Guy: I think I got lost in your eyes. Girl: Here's a GPS. Go find yourself.

Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I right next to each other. You say that you want me? Well don't what you come for!!

Him: Does your dad own a bakery? Her: Yes, Why? Him: Because I saw his advertisement in the newspaper

Are you a magnet, because i'm attracted to you. Yes, i am. So unless you want to have sex with metal, then i suggest you leave.

what goes up and down , side to side all the time? a compass get your mind out of the gudder.

-Adam, am I the only girl in your life? -Who else is there?

- Does this napkin smell like chloroform to you? There is no response because she passed out from it and he leaves in order to void suspicion.

Are you from Wales, because...well...

Hey, I may not be too smart, I may not have a big dick, I may not be strong nor cool, but at least I uh...

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

Q: Where did Bethany hide the dead baby? A: In the trash can

Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

-Hi how are y... -just a minute, I need to drop a shit, be back in a sec.

Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

(At a Funeral) Male: I have a raging erection.

"Hey did I not meet you at the singles and desperates club?"

damn, girl... you look like you put your socks on BOTH feet.

HE: You must have some hot buns. SHE: Yeah? HE: Cause you got a real butterface to go with them.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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