Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

thumb_up thumb_down +42

Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -34

B: Can I have your number ? G: Sure.. 666

thumb_up thumb_down -64

Man: Do you want to have sex at my house Women: No

thumb_up thumb_down +147

GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

thumb_up thumb_down +145

I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

—do you believe in love at first sight or shall I come back again? —no, and I think you shall not come back ever.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Hey i got a job for you. But it blows.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +8

A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

thumb_up thumb_down -88

What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

thumb_up thumb_down +59

Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

thumb_up thumb_down +45

"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

thumb_up thumb_down +43

-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

thumb_up thumb_down -47

She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

thumb_up thumb_down -97

Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

thumb_up thumb_down -105

Woman: You've got the body of a god, too bad that it's Buddha... Man: You've got the face of a Princess, too bad that it's Diana.

thumb_up thumb_down +50

Do you have sunburn, or are you always this hot? It's sunburn.

thumb_up thumb_down +48

Pick up lines from the stone age: Fail. Man: Hello, you look beautiful, I speak very well, and if you allow me to make love with you, I promise I will protect you and raise the child with you :)! Woman: WHAT? A guy without wild chesthair that speaks instead of grunting and yelling? You to sex me and you do not even got a club? I am SOOO gonna go to Grogg instead! He has like the biggest club and knows how to really HIT a woman! Moral: I would say somethings do change, but Id rather be Grogg than the loser above, of course I prefer hitting ON women first, if that does not work I... Oh right, I am married :P

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Man: "Are you a parking ticket? 'Cos you have fine written all over you!" Woman: "Are you an a**hole? 'Cos you're hairy and you smell like s**t!"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!