Girl- Hey ily Boy- say it it just makes it that much better ;) Girl- I'm leaving you

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That outfit looks fantastic on you... ..it would look even better in an evidence bag

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Let me stick it in...just once baby...that's all I'll need. ;)

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-don't sit on the table, people eat there! -don't sit on that chair, people sit there!

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Girlfriend: you are much more naive when you are naked, and a small penis, no hair and are 23 years old

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Is that a mirror in your pocket? Use it next time you put your d**n make-up on.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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GEDDINTHEFRIGGENCAR

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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Im the demanding customer, your Dominos Pizza, I will make you Cum in 30 minutes or less.

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"Wow, you look so thin! Are you wearing a girdle?"

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Man, stay alive, I dont even got time to read that shit. See you around son.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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I have a knife, Maddie. Get in the van.

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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- Are you from Tennessee bec- - Yes

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-Go on don't be shy, Ask me out. -Okay Go out.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Ma'am, I'm sorry I'd like to ask a favour. Yes? Well, my penis died and I was wondering if I could bury it in your vagina?

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She - Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? becuase your-- He - I did not fall from heaven, you ignorant little twat.

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male-"Do you have a rape fetish?" fenale-"No, i don't" male-"Ohh... Well you're not going enjoy this."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!