-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Are you a Geodude? Cause you're face is rockin'!

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!