guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Hey baby, can I cream in your chocolate?

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-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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What's your sign? Slippery when wet.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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You allergic to semen?

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!