your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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Female: Hey can i buy you a drink? Male: I have AIDS.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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M: If life had Alt + F4, I would close your clothes. F: Really? I would close YOU down!

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SYLVIA: Hi! Wanda. WANDA: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die? SYLVIA: I froze to death. WANDA: How horrible! SYLVIA: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you? WANDA: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. SYLVIA: So, what happened? WANDA: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died. SYLVIA: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer ---we'd both still be alive....?

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Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

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Man: Hey yo sexy, wanna do it in the toilet so I can brag about banging the prom queen? The toilets are dirty but I got aids anyways and... Fine brit Lady: Eh well sire, you see... SURE! Moral: ANTICLIMACTIC ENDING SUCCESS!

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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male: wanna come in for a coffea? female: ok (she has a coffea) male: ok by female: by

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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if I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put my dick in your ass

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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that shirt looks nice on you, it would look better on the floor

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Hey baby! If I said you had a good body, would you hold it against me? - [ It's unknown who originally said this. Maybe it was some rowdy guy in a 1970s disco].

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!