boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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As original as things get: Pickup in the future! Android: Greetings Alpha six zero zero,requesting access code for insertion of my intercourse-D.I.C.K card into your V.A.G 2.0 intercourse receiver! Another Android: Access granted Zero six nine eight, engaging card...System! Deactivate mini-android production systems and engage cooldown systems to avoid critical overheats, lubricate essentials for easy access, I have no entry code, engage at once! Moral: I honestly thought it would end up in failure, but damn androids are easy!

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!