- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Hello children! :D

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How does a ghost walk through walls? There's normally a door.

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you look like my mother

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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hey girl, whats your sign? slippery when wet.

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Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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-Hi miss are you a ketchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hot dog to you

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A man is pulled over by a police officer and a conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Steven. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Steven, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Steven, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.

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there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

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I hate you already.

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Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

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Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

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Boy: does your face hurt Girl: No. Why Boy Because it sure is hurting me

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Dating post: "Nice male looking for female company, I have a steady job and would prefer if you too had a job, you will be particularity happy if you have a small penis fetish. Signed BIGPENIS19INCHESJIMlight sleeper

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In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!