One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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Why are you crying? I have to walk out these woods alone!

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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you look like my mother

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I hate you already.

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Hey girl, is your name Ethiopian food? Because your playing hard to get.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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free candy....

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Man: I will make the rape on you now woman! Woman: Wow great Borat imitation bravo! Man: Borat who? *draws gun* Moral: Pretty immoral

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, i would put U and G and L and Y together because that is what you are.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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