Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

thumb_up thumb_down +29

-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? -I'm an atheist.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

-My love for you is like diarrhea, I cant hold it in...

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Girls hate me, they always discuss about how they regret fucking with me over and over again. Moral: Thumb me down, I know ya love me.

thumb_up thumb_down -31

He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

thumb_up thumb_down -33

Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

thumb_up thumb_down -59

Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

thumb_up thumb_down -69

Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

thumb_up thumb_down -71

Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

thumb_up thumb_down +46

-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

thumb_up thumb_down +28

- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

thumb_up thumb_down -12

-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

thumb_up thumb_down -16

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -26

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -28

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

thumb_up thumb_down -82

The word of the day is ass, lets go upstairs and observe the word.

thumb_up thumb_down +117

"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

thumb_up thumb_down +55

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Batman bravely leaps in front of the Robin: Bats: WATCH OUT FOR THAT GAY-RAY! *Bats suddenly grabs Robin and starts making out with him* Bats: I am sorry, I cannot stop it... I... Robin: I am underage so maybe it was a pedo-ray or something... Joker: What gay ray? What pedo ray? It was suppose to disintegrate you! But whatever, I win. Moral: It was a looong trip back home.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!