why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Guy:I invented troll face oh yea! Girl:you gave my daughter nightmares for weeks you b****!(throws drink in face)

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Women love it when you kiss their neck. Just not while they are driving and while you're in the back seat and when they don't know you...

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

thumb_up thumb_down -25

girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -89

Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

thumb_up thumb_down +76

Morals, greatest weakness revealed!: Doctor doctor! I cannot succeed at... pant pant *shorts shorts* *whine wheeze* at... At... AAAAAARGUUUUUU!!! FUCKING DOCTOR I CANNOT SUCCED AT... THE PAAAAAYNE! MAX PAYNE! BUHUHUHUHU!!! THE PAAAAINYE I CANNOT...SUCCEED AT... Doctor: At what? Shutting the fuck up? AND LEAVE THE HORSHEHEAD NETWORK? Moral: XD I cannot stop laughing, I am crying fucking tears of laughter :)) I was completely not gonna type that but then it spontaneously suddenly idea get! XD Moral: Green thumbs for self irony, this comment shall get one green thumbs ups, and it shall one green thumbs ups get, and the number of thumbs ups shall be one, as one be the number of thumbs ups. Moral: And I have not even said anything Moral: I deserve that green thumb this time! I earned it! SHAAAME YOU DARE SPOILMY GREEN THUMB OF VICTOLY WITH YOUR RED THUMB! SHAAAME! BUILD THE WALL OF FAILURE! FASTER STRONGER HARDER! I CURSE SHAME UPON YOUR SHAME AND BATHE IT IN THE WATER AND FLAMES OF SHAAAAAME! ALL BEFORE I SPrinkle it with small bits of sugar... AND SHAAAAME! LEAVE THE GREEN THUMB ALONE!!!! BUAHUAHAHA! LEAVE IT ALONEEEEEEEEE! Moral: HEEEY HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GREEN THUMB! I SAID ONE GREEN THUMB! ONE! AND ONLY MINE! SHAME!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +58

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

I hope you want kids, cause i've left my condoms at my girlfriends place.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

HEY BITCH! GET YOUR ASS HOME AND GIVE ME A THUMBS UPS AT HORSEHEAD NETWORK! Moral: And be rewarded ;) (unless you are fucking ugly, then you still get the gift of voting me whatever way you want)

thumb_up thumb_down -14

there is a 50% chance that we make s** tonight from my side i agree

thumb_up thumb_down -42

-How did your date go last night? -It was going alright but then I started crying uncontrollably. -Nervous habit? -Pepper spray.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

At a Bar for blacks... and whites... and everybody else... Man: I can last for hours in bed! Woman: *gets closer and whispers in his ear: Really? Man: OH YeeeeeaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Woman: Lets go to your place... Man: Meh, I am done. Moral: Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Excuse me I need to go change clothes...

thumb_up thumb_down -68

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +43

Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

I think I shit myself

thumb_up thumb_down -21

Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

thumb_up thumb_down -21

I thought you were cute, so the voices told me to come say hi.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Honestly bitch, I hate you, but my balls are bursting so its either you or the next disgusting ugly bitch in line, my mom!

thumb_up thumb_down -39

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!