-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Man: I bet you havent seen a really big dick before ;) ;) Woman: No... but I have seen yours... The man proceeds to stare at the floor and leaves in shame...

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Has someone been following you? Cause I've been seeing people behind your back.

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

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Girl, if your body was for sale... ...ID BUY THAT FOR A DOLLAR! Moral: Thank you Robocop.

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Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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Guy: Are you looking for a hot, sexy, fertile young man? Girl: No thanks, I used to be one.

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so how long have you been a bald ghost wombat?

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Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

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Guy: hey, we have been friends for a long time but I really need to tell you something Girl: omg I love you too :D Guy: what, no no. I'm a zoophilic

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

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He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

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-You're fat! -No I'm not. -You will be, when my dick is in you

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Young man: Hey I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so I wondered if you wanna come home and have hardcore sex and... Mature woman: HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH A THING! IM YOUR MOTHER! Young man: As I said mom... I have watched a lot of Hentai lately so... Moral: Hentai keeping families together since forever...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!