Girl: Hi honey, wanna see a magic trick? Boy: Sure, why not? Girl -POOF- YOU'RE SINGLE!

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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girl- how much does a polar bear weigh? girl- enough to break the-- boy- Are you talking about an adult polar bear? boy- then it's around 400-500 kg girl- blast!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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Man: hey... you seem pretty paralytic and unable to move in that wheelchair ;) Woman: uh oh...well actually I can move a bit... Man: Good because I do not wanna do ALL the thrusting back and forth... Woman: Bu.. but... I... I do not want to... Man: Well if you do not want sex, then just run away... ;) FATALITY... FLAWLESS VICTORY... RAPEALITY!

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Tenth year anniversary Marriage. So what was your name again? Annoying Bitch? Old Hag? I forgot...

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Yeah sure, ill just go grab my gag and handcuffs. Male: ...

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Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!