- Anti-Pickup Line

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Guy: Is it hot in here or did i just break the ice? Girl: No, it was your weight.

I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

WOW MY LONGEST EVER COMMENT BELOW GOT A THUMBS UPS WOOT-WO-WO-WOROWOOOT *Partyravelights that confetti crap and... Moral: I dont really give a shit and all...

Every kiss begins with K ;) Yeah to bad ugly begins with U

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

Girl: If you was a rollercoaster...I'd ride you all day long.. Guy: What? Am I not big enough for you now...why can't you just be happy with me... =_= Girl: : / I was tring to be all sexy in a cute way... Guy: Pfft. FREAK... e_e

"Do you know what my shirt is made of? Boyfriend material." "I'm vegan."

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

Anti-Pickup Line

Our Updated iOS App!

The Anti Joke Book