Violets are blue. Roses are red. Your window was open. I'm under your bed.

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You seem reasonably clean, which is always an important consideration for me when selecting a woman.

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Man and woman in bed, as the man looks troubled: Woman: Hey you are not in the mood? Whats wrong? Man looking down his pants: SNAKE! ANSWER ME! SNAKE WHATS WRONG? SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEE! Woman: We arent gonna have sex huh? Man looks down pants again: Nuh huh... game over girl... game over...

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Handsome rich looking man: I would like to take you somewhere nice, maybe watch a movie at the cinema, then we could go to my place and have a romantic dinner.. finally... Girl: YES YES! Man: as I was saying... Finally I can make sweet love with your dog...if its fine by you... Girl: wtf?

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Dude: Did you fart? Girl: No Dude: Oh I'm sorry because you blew me away

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What did the blond do when the web page she was visiting didn't load? She checked if her wireless access had been somehow cut off and then hit the refresh button and waited for the page to load again.

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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I might not be the best looking guy here but im the only one talking to you

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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I really should start saying "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"

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Male: Hey do you wanna come back to my place? Female: Sorry i only sleep with dead bodies.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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Whenever I look at stars I think of you... Because your only beatiful from a distance.

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He - Nice shoes. She - Thanks. He - But i think they would look better in my pants.

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The word of the day is legs, Lets go upstairs and spread the word.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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- I would love to get into your pants... - You can't: I have an asshole in there already.

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- So, wanna go back to my place? - Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock? -That depends on the size of the rock. -You don't really get it, do you? -Get what?

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Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

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here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

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Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

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Man: I would kill anyone at anytime for a kiss from you. Woman: Kill yourself now.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


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