So which of you ladies wants to recieve child support payments from me next year?

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Girl are your parents Mexican, cuz you look Mexican.

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What's worse than walking on a beach? Not walking on a beach.

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- Did you fall from heaven? - No, I dug my way up from Hell.

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Male: Get in the van.

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-Your really nice plus i like girls with flat asses

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Does this rag smell of chloroform to you?

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SEE WHAT’S UP, DOWN UNDER.

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I put the STD in STUD, now all I need is U.

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He:*walks over* She: What is it now? He:*Unzips fly.* She : OH DEAR CHRIST NO

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"You look like Carmen Electra's deformed, burned, dismembered sister..."

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Hello, it's nice to meet you.

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Drunk guy with high standards part 3: Man: Dunno woman... you are so big and... and... FAT and really huge and stuff but... well... uh.. you are still really damn hot so lets do it! Man: YAAAAARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Astronauts: Did that guy really eject himself towards the sun? Moral: At least he was right about the really hot part... and that ladies and gentlemen, is the terrible end of the amazing drunk man with high standards, you can read the whole series just by clicking onwards trough my comments and give em a thumbs ups just as you go along.. otherwise they will show up... mean they wo..

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You're too easily offended. I cannot believe you said that.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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I'm a vegan thats why I am still a Virgin.

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Whats best about having sex with twenty six year olds?..... Theres twenty of them!

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knock knock. whos there. interupting cow. inter... mooo!

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Stories from real life part whatever: Me as a twelve year old: Yeah I am incredibly experienced with girls, I mean I know I look very young for a eighteen year old man, but I consider it a advantage of mine... Seventeen year old girl: Really? You are eighteen? Me: Of course, besides II have had intercourse hundred of times, mostly with married women, I enjoy being their "guilty pleasure" Girl: I bet you haven't seen boobs like these though! *shows me boobs* Me: OMG! HOLY SHIT REAL BEEWBS! OMG HOLY CRAP THEY LOOK INCREDIBLE HOLY SHIT EVERYONE I JUST SAW REAL LIFE TITS! I am a winner! Last thing I remember was getting slapped several times and getting spit on, I was too damn happy to give a damn, I was victory. Moral: had you asked me if it worked by then id say "hell yes!", today I doubt it worked as well as it could have...

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Girl: I was just wondering... Boy: Smell my armpits on July 24th, 2016!

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Female: Hey do you wann- Male: You got a purty mouth

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Are your parents retarded? Because you're something special

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- I think i lost my number, can i have yours? - I think i lost my number too.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!