Got milk? Cuz baby, im of it!

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Boy: I want to get into your pants. Girl: No way! I already have an ass in there!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I have a lot of family that lives there, maybe we're related.

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boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

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Man:Hey, do you know what chloroform smells like? Woman:No. Man:Well, you're about to find out.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

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Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

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If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

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-Girl I'd go through anything for you. -Good than go through a blender!

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Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

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Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

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What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

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greetings clarisse...

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Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

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Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

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Yo imma let you finish yourself off

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From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

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I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

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A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

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*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

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MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

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Yeah... you'll have to do.

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At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!