-Your face must turn a few heads. -And your face must turn a few stomachs.

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Man: Wanna hear a joke about my C*ck, nevermind, it's too long Woman: Wanna hear a joke about my P*ssy, oh wait you'll never get it

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-Do you believe in love at first sight or do you want me to walk by again? -Yeah, but this time don't stop!

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Male: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Female: did it hurt when they kicked you out of hell?

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Hey there little girl there is a party down my pants you want to come? Oh I'm sorry i don't speak Herpes.

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I'm craving some bacon, wanna strip?

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After hearing a pickup line: -I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

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Hey, nice shoes..... Wanna F***?

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-How did you get to be so beautiful? -I must’ve been given your share.

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-I think you're the best looking girl in here. -Really? Well, I'd better go find the best looking guy then, hadn't I!

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Hey baby, you like sea food? Because I've got crabs!

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- I'd go through anything for you. - Good! Let's start with your bank account.

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-Hey, baby, What's your sign? -Stop.

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- I would go to the end of the world for you. - Yes, but would you stay there, please?

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-Can I buy you a drink? -Go ahead, but only if you buy my boyfriend one too!

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-If I take you home, will you iron my clothes and make me a sandwich?

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- Does this rag smell like ether? - MMMPPPHHRPHRRG!

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Male: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Female: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore

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is your name macaulay culkin? cuz you're going home alone.

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You look... clean

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-I better drive you home, miss. Because you're a woman and you can't drive. Get it?

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- hey ;) - hey, yourself. - if i wanted my comeback, i would've wiped it off your mom's face.

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-I'm addicted to yes, and I'm allergic to no. So what's it gonna be? -I'll start dialing 911 for you now.

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Those must be space pants, because your ass is out of this world That must be a donkeys tongue, because its making an ass out of you.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!