are you on fire?

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Girl, you must be a parking ticket. Because you got 'Please pay within 30 days. Failure to do so you will face prosecution at the local court.' written all over you.

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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You're like chocolate pudding. You look like crap.

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Your father must be a thief, because I saw him stealing at Target earlier.

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I would take a bullet for you. In COD. JK THAT WOULD RUIN MY KILLSTREAKS

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Is that a ladder in your hose or the stairway to heaven? It is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an asshole up there

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I wish my sister was as hot as you.

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-Nice bum where ya from? -Australia, wanna ****?

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Are you a dementor? Cause you take my breath away.

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M:HEY BABY! Where you from? W: Im a lesbian.. M: COOL! So which part of Lesbia are you from?

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Like my status for a tbh? Cause to be honest you are the prettiest girl I ever met ;) Like MY status for a tbh? cause to be honest, thats old and No one gets on Facebook. Twitter all the way :p Oh did I say prettiest? I meant b*tchiest you are horrible at comebacks. So your dumb too! -__________-

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Guy: Theres this girl and Ive been meaning to ask her something... Girl: I bet I know who it is ;D Guy: Oh good. So is your mom available on Friday?

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Hey, can I have your number? No, I'm not a Jew.

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GIRL: Has anyone ever told you how hansom you are? MAN: My mother, some of her older friends, and beautiful women your age that I end up sleeping with.

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- Can I have your number? - Sure. Twelve.

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on a scale from 1 to 10, when did you lose your virginity?

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violets are blue roses are red you have a mouth start giving me head

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hey bitch

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When I said bitch, I meant it as a compliment...

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Guy for a girl with a dog: -Does the dog have a cell phone? -Why? is your mom in heat?

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whats up ho

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Does this rag smell like chloroform?

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I have a .357 magnum pointed at your kidney. Wanna go get some coffee?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!