-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? I don't know. Quite a lot, actually.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!