-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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Male: Did you get your tickes to the barbercue? Female: What barbercue? Male: The barbercue where i put my meat on your face.

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"Next!"

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!