Are you an angel that fell from heaven? If you are, can I take a picture of you as proof that supernatural beings exist?

guy:did you fall from heaven? girl:no? guy:sorry, it just looks like you landed on your face

-Are you a dementor? Cuz you just took my breath away... -Expecto Patronum!!!

G: YOU KILLED MY FATHER! M: Yes yes I killed my father too, but you do not see me whining about it... M: So ... wanna date? I am quite the Male Bison in bed ;) G:NOOOOO! M: Just get in the damn plane! G: BISOOOOOOOOOOOON!

"Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?" "Yes. I ruptured my bowels upon impact."

Man: Lady... Seriously, I got a PhD! Woman: Seriously, you look more like an athlete, in what? Man: Lady... I got a pretty huge Richard. Moral: RICHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!

all in all it was a good orgy

"Can I buy you a drink or do I have to have sex with you first?"

Look at the keyboard, u and i are together. Look underneath, it says jk.

Hey you've got the most beautiful f*cked up teeth I've ever seen.

-I work for the FBI -Oh I work for the CIA, maybe we'll see each other at a meeting -Yeah I'm in the Female Body Inspector division -I'm in the Can the Idiot Absent himself division

Guy: Happy Birthday Girl: Huh? Guy: You're gonna get raped

Male: You are a Drugs? Female: Why? because your so addicted to me? Male: Nope, You ruined my life!

Hey, you want a ride?

Are you water? Because you are very shallow. Now GTFO.

Man: Lets have some fun ;) Woman: Sure! Man: Starts telling jokes. Woman: Funny but I thought... Man: What? Woman: Well its a bit uh... silly of me but I thought that we where getting at your place, having a drink and... Man: What? I said fun, not date rape! Woman: Wow... this is really getting nowhere is it? Author: Hell no! Moral: This "anti-pickup" was not even finished and you want a moral too? Pssssssssssssssssshhhhh....

So I caught my sister masturbating the other day, it was like lol hahaha you filthy bitch! Then she was like DONT TELL ANYBODY PLEASE I WILL BUY YOU THOSE BOXING GLOVES YOU WANTED SO MUCH! PLEASE! And I was like, NUHUUUH! The bed is full of piss and I totally got this on my cellphone, so you gonna pull up your panti... Oh you still looking for them LOL! Yeah, that was the subject I brought up at a bar... Sober, unless Redbull counts as drunk... Anti Pickupline as FUCK! Players Dont Use RedBull -Richard Nixon or whatever.

Skilled man enters a bar: Man: Lady, I am a scientist... Lady: So? Man: I also have black belt in several martial arts... Lady: Your point? Man: uh... I have uh... Lady: Sigh... *gets up and leaves* Moral: Knowing what and how to be attractive to women is an art on its own...

If you were homework, I would slam you on my table and do you all night long.

Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

I hope you like trees because I've got wood!

Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform?

-Hey comon baby dont be shy give me a little BlowJob -sorry im alergic to peanuts....

Did you just fart? Cause it smells like shit in here

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!