Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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It's not Rapee If you yell surprise!

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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guy: wanna make some money? girl: Na, I do it for free, i'm offering free herpes

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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-Do your feet hurt? Because I couldn't help but notice you look about 75 pounds overweight and I hear that is rough on your feet.

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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M: What's a pretty girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine? F: Running and screaming for help

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!