He: Let me be the reason you're up all night. She: You will be. I always wake up when I have nightmares.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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At a bar (how creative): Man: I bet you look beautiful behind those tits... Woman: WHAT DO YOU MEAN DONKEYHOLE!?!?!?! Man: Uh... well I mean I really cant see your face and... Moral: Silicone tits are nice too... in MODERATION FFS!

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Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

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Guy: Do you wanna be the sun of my life? Girl: Ok sure Guy: Then go stand 13. billion miles away from me

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*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

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Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

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Ay girl, those jeans make your ass look fat. Now I'ma get you pregnant while you make breakfast.

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I hate you already.

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Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

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I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

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Girl, did it hurt when you got dragged up all the way from hell? Moral: The hell with morals!

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- Have we met? - Honey, we're not meeting now.

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, I cant rhyme, ever since my dog and I were walking down the street and then he died and then i cried and then i died and then he cried

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Are you from Tennessee? Because your accent sounds stupid.

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I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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Hey girl, is your father in prison? Because if I was your father, I would be in prison.

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He: Hey bay wanna danc- She: Leave.

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-hey baby wanna get a drink? -no but i wanna get the heck away from you

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Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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A. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together. B. Oh really? Well, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put N and O together. Oh wait -- they're already there. Huh.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!