-Is that a sonic screwdriver in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? -Do I look like a Time Lord? (Only Doctor Who fans will get that.)

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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- I'd do anything for you. - Die.

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Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

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Sorry, I don't wanna date a guy who's best pickup line is cocaine.

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven and banged every guy on the way down?

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Do you wanna go halves in a bastard?

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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Hey baby, you're really hot, I like girls with some meat for my bone.

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Are you a speeding, aggressive driver? Because your running straight up my ass

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How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

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"Are you a parking ticket?" "What?" "You’ve got fine written all over you"

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- Hey baby! You make my heart beat. - Oh, well you make my stomach churn.

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This one is for the ladies: Man: If I could put 6 and 9 on my calculator we would have the greatest time ever ;) Woman: If you did that id just put 911 on my cellphone.

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- Lets get outta here and have some fun - If you got your fathers dick....no

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You allergic to semen?

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For you thinking what is that shit below this comment? Go fuck yourself, for those that wonder why I typed that excellence, well read whatever... So why am I here once a year and type a lot of insanity here? Because I am quitting smoking... AGAIN. So after banging two chicks (one my wife STEAKSAUCE!) I just want a smoke right? RIGHT? To chill the adrenaline... My wife does not smoke (well if you can smoke cock then she is still the best smoker in town) Seriously, Tina has Prince... That explains her breath ugh... I am gonna get one anyways for great justice.

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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Why do cops eat donuts so much? Because they are delish

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: Did what hurt? Him: When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rape? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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