Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Did you fall from heaven because you landed on my wind shield some how

thumb_up thumb_down -19

- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

BOY: Are you a chicken? GIRL: Why? BOY: Because I'll like you to lay on my eggs all day...

thumb_up thumb_down -43

Male: Baby, I am God's gift to this earth! Female: Well, if I take a receipt up to Heaven, can I exchange you for someone better?

thumb_up thumb_down -51

Do women shake the petrol pump after filling or is that just a guy thing?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Me: You know what bitch... You are *burp* such a bitch... That I am just gonna smear peanut butter on my crotch and... Lady: Dude, I am a man but okay! Me: You are a guy? Did you have to tell me that? I mean I got beer googles but I hear perfectly well! Then his girlfriend which happened to be my cousin showed up and... *facepalm*

thumb_up thumb_down +6

-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

thumb_up thumb_down -24

Male: I'd give her one Female: I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person on earth Male: I was rating you out of 10 you ugly bitch

thumb_up thumb_down -74

"Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!" "My parole officer would go nuts!"

thumb_up thumb_down -84

Girl: "In all of my years, I've never laid eyes on a more attractive, sensitive, and understanding man. With all of my heart, I adore you. Your eyes are pools of heavenly water, teeming with life and love; your succulent smile crafted as elegantly as Mona Lisa's. Your words could move nations; your voice could soothe beasts. Do me the ultimate pleasure of accepting my eternal devotion to you." Boy: "I'm gay."

thumb_up thumb_down +165

The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +27

If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -29

HELLO I AM BORAT! MISHIMUSH! I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE THE MOVIE OF MAKING THE RAPE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN! WILL YOU HELP US? Woman: NO!!!!!! Oh... ok Mishimush! We make the other Movie then, BORAT THE CRUSHINGS OF AMERICA.

thumb_up thumb_down -37

Hey wanna hear about some pointless superpowers? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +64

Woman and man on picnicking date at the forest: (Man gets bit in his pingas by a snake..) Man: ARGH! HEALP HEALP! Woman: OMG! I have to call the doctor! RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING Doctor! My date was bitten by a poisonous snake! What can we do! Doctor: The only option would be to suck the poison out of the bitten area or else he will probably die... "Click" Man: ARGH! WHAT DID THE DOCTOR SAY! PLEASE ITS GETTING NUMB! WHAT DID HE SAY! Woman: He said you are gonna die... :( Moral: She may not have sucked, but this sure did :P

thumb_up thumb_down +44

Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Man: Your body is a tempe! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

thumb_up thumb_down -58

I told my wife I met someone who looked just like her she asked Was she gorgeous I didn't know what to say.

thumb_up thumb_down +89

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge? Broken fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +83

Do you work at Subway, because you're giving me a footlong. No actually, I once had a job at a local Quizno's Sub Shop. However a tragic fire killed several employees and customers at this very location. I survived, but lost have permanent Third-Degree burns across my body. My life is ruined, prick.

thumb_up thumb_down +51

Hey lady, you're really, really cute! Let's go out in the woods, GET NAKED and have sex!

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!