Walking to your car alone later?

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-can i buy you a drink? i buy you a taxi?

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- Haven't we met before? - Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic.

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-What`s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? -What`s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

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-What sign were you born under? -No Parking.

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-What's your name sexy? -Taken!

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-I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today and your name was included. -Thanks! Hey, I saw your name next to jerk.

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Can I have your number? -I don't have one.

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-Does beauty run in your family? -It obviously doesn't in yours!

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- I can tell that you want me. - Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave.

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Is Heaven missing an Angel? Because I have an erection.

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My penis just died. Can I bury it in your ass?

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You're place or mine? Both, you go to yours and I go to mine.

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"Hey baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" "Unfertilized."

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Did the lord take the thunder from the skies, and put it in your thighs?

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-Baby, do you know karate? Your body is kickin'! -I do actually. Would your crotch like a demonstration?

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-Your feet must be tired 'cuz you've been running through my mind. -Yea, I was running away from you.

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- I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. - First wish: don't speak ever again.

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I have no gag reflex.

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- You must be a parking ticket cause you have fine written all over you - You must be a wellfare check then.

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Man: Do you sleep on your stomach? Woman: No... Man: Can I?

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"Don't scream"

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Tonight might be a convienient night for us to have some intercourse.

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you actually look alright with the lights on.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!