Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

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boy - would you like to dance? girl - hell no! boy - I think you misunderstood me. I said you look fat in those pants. girl - That's why I said "Hell No!" girl - I'm trying to deny the fact that I look fat in my pants. boy - damnit! girl - Phew!

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Man: Wanna (censored)? Woman: (Censored) you man!

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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How much does a whales weigh? How much? Just enough to make you look skinny.

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Man: DTF Cutey? Woman: DTF off Asshole?

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I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

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The power to type any pointless superpower at the wrong place... ...shit...

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does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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-Can I get your Number? -29435566 (see if you can get it.)

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Q: How did the baby cross the road A: He was stapled to the chicken

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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He: How do you like your eggs in the morning? She: Unfertilised!

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Him: Did it hurt? Her: What? Him: When you fell out of the whore tree and banged every guy on the way down?

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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“I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.” (Groucho Marx)

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Sigh... No I do not have a van... Just get in the plane!

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Couple in bed: Woman: I want some variation... you into roleplay? Man: Sure! Woman: Ok, Ill be a hot housemaid... Man: OK but they have little mana so... ill be a firemage! Woman: Huh? Man: SHHHH! its not your time to attack yet! Moral: Geeks...

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You belong in heaven. So make sure you say hi to God for me.

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I stole this pickup line from Antipickupline.com.

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Are you being followed because i've been see someone behind your back!

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Guy: Hey, cutie! What's your name? Girl: JOHN CENA.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!