- Hello There Pretty Lady! - Hi... - Wow, your the fist girl I've met who has bigger boobs than I do! - Tw*t

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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You wanna have sex and get married?? Ok... Sorry.

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Guy enters a bar: Guy: I have some really bad self-esteem and would really apreciate if someone would give me a chance and... Gorgeous woman: Hey, I would love to get to know you, and maybe take you home and... Guy: WHAT? THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN TO ME! I CANT HANDLE IT! HEEEEEEEEEEELP! (Runs out of bar screaming)

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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Man: Do you work at Subway? Girl: Why? Did I just give u a 6 inch?

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Are you from Tennessee? Youre the only 10 i see, and im 59. I bet we could 69 beautifully.

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Let's not turn this rape... into a murder

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I'm desperate, you'll do.

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You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

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-How much do you love me? -Count the stars in the sky and you'll know. -But it's the morning. -Exactly.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When you burst through the asphalt, emerging from the depths of hell.

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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Holla holla holla, ill be there like right now, its a bit far. But dawg, did you say you are both at work and banging a chick? Someone is bragging here yo son! Anyways, phone is dead, gotten towed like 50-60 times in total (not only the freeway), and... Nah man, its cool, you know I dont really ask for much, I mean I can still pay you something. Yeah your skinny bitch hands, you can slap me 50 times son.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!