*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

thumb_up thumb_down -100

Man: Honestly! I am just desperate, and besides you are damn hot! Woman: Lets go to your place ;) Moral: This works, the anti-part is that no one will believe me nor try it themselves... Incredible how the easiest way is the least used...

thumb_up thumb_down +81

I'm desperate, you'll do.

thumb_up thumb_down +55

-Hi miss are you a catchup? -hey is this some corny pick-up line?,,,okay fine. why? -because I want to dip my hotdog to you

thumb_up thumb_down +49

I am typing it here for exposure which means I am no sellout because I admitt I sell out, just like I did not crash because I admitt I did. This one is real: Me meeting my childhood friend (a girl, with huge boobs... Which she had reduced because back problems... Fucking reduction pointless invention!) Tina: You where and will always be like a brother to me Nero. Me: Aww... Well... Tina: A fucking sexy brother back then... Well and now! Me: O_O. I am married, so I called my wife and asked if its okay, she said can I join? And well, why do you think I am so wired now... ROUND TWO... F*CK!

thumb_up thumb_down +45

How you doin? go away- I have a gun

thumb_up thumb_down +35

Man: Hey lady... you new here? I havent seen you around here before ;) Woman: Im your wife! >:/ Man: Which one of them? I have married so many sluts just to get sex with them... that I forget about...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -29

*At a concert* guy- hey if you were that drum set, i'd bang you on that stage all night

thumb_up thumb_down +136

I like my women like I like my coffee I drink Tea

thumb_up thumb_down +78

Boy: Are you Mc Donalds? Girl: Why because your loving it? Boy: No because ur fat and greasy!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Hello children! :D

thumb_up thumb_down -34

In the USA: Man: Hello, I am half Iraq and half Afghanistan, my name is Osama Bin Allah! Girl: Oh... Uh em... I do not mind you nor anything but, you are like uh... civilized and stuff right? Just asking! Man: Of course miss, so how many camels to get into your pussy? Girl: OMG! Man: WAIT YOU MISHEAR ME! I SAY HOW MANY CARAMELS TO GET INTO YOUR... never mind... Moral: USA discovers they do not have nuclear weapons and then gives them nuclear reactors?

thumb_up thumb_down +95

Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Boy:do you know to spell "Idiot" with just one word? Girl:how? Boy:U

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Guy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Guy: Ascending from hell and breaking through the earth's crust.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Are u in the army cause u make my private stand at attention.

thumb_up thumb_down -25

Man : Wanna go to my house tonight? Woman : I'm not sure if a rock can fit 2 people inside.

thumb_up thumb_down -41

Why did the small girl run away? She saw her own coqu in the mirror.

thumb_up thumb_down +68

He i would love to have sex with you She. I know but you have aids

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Man: Is your name sherly? Woman: No... Man: because id like to Fuc* you in the ass and call you sherly

thumb_up thumb_down +10

At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

thumb_up thumb_down -4

One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

thumb_up thumb_down -18

I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!