I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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Hey big girl ;), why you alone? You ate all of your friends?

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet... that would be nice..

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On a scale from 1 to 10, can I get your number?

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Girl: Are you a doctor? Because I think I have the flu. *sneeze*

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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I have a knife and a penis. Choose which one goes in you.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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At Barlevania: Man: Yo lady... mind if I hang around? Woman: Uh... wait... there is a weird song outside... Man: Yeah but you will you... yeah... its getting louder! *nana nanananana nana* Man: What the hell is that? Woman: No idea, its getting louder! *NANA NANANANANANA KATAMARI DAMACY NANA NANANANANANANA KATAMERUUUUU! DAMACY DAMACY*¨¨ *Both the man and the woman gets rolled up in a spirit ball by the prince, in no time the bar gets rolled up as well* Dun dun dun dun dun dun Du du dun dun STAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAARLIGHT STAAAAAAAAAAAR LIGHT! King of all cosmos: Eh.. buenos dias! That means good day in Spanish the king thinks... the king likes languages... Eh? What is this insignificant thing you rolled up? Earth? The king does not like it... it feels too earthy! To humanny and stuff... *The king of all cosmos throws the earth away towards outer space* "ROLLED UP EARTH HAS BECOME PLANET EARTH!" Moral: Katamari Damacy taught us all that it does not have to make sense to be funny, but its not a good idea to for anyone to hit on anything while the planet is being rolled up...

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Woman enters a...uh Cafe that only sells alcohol and stuff... now that is variation from the usual bar eh? Woman: Yo bitchy hot stuff, you look cheap get over here! lets bang! Man: How dare you! Woman: Why? You dont wanna try my wiener? Man: "throws drink at woman", Im gonna tell my girlfriend! Woman: I start getting the feeling something is very wrong here man... Man: Humpf! Just wait to my girlfriend gets here and beats you u... wait I to think there is something very very wrong here. Moral: The world may never know...

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I'll eat your poop

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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So, you're a girl, huh?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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Did it hurt? When you fell from the whore tree and banged everyone on the way down?

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Did It Hurt when you fell from heaven? No, because I was already dead.

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M: Hey bitch i'll give you £50 to touch my penis. f: Simon thats an afterschool detention M: SCORE!

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Whatever I'll just date myself.

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Hey :) Hi Do you like me? :) No :'( You never asked if i loved you... Awhhhh do you love me :) No

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Male- You have 206 bones in your body, You want another ?

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Boy- is that a mirror in your pants? Girl-? Boy-because i see my self in your pants Girl-oh this, this is a picture of crap!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!