Did you gain weight? Because I think your gravitational pull towards me just increased.

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Girl, wanna fuck rite now? Sure! Man! You are such a hoe! *walks away disgusted* Moral: Be careful for what you ask for.

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Wow! You know, your eyes are like blueberries, wait, can I actually, can I actually, I'm kinda hungry, can I, can I have them?

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I wish I was your math momework, because then I would be really hard and you'd be doing me on the desk.

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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me- hey baby wanna hve sexual intercourse girl- sure because using the word intercourse in a sentence tunrs me on.

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Was your dad a thief? Because he's in jail

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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One hot summer night in 1960, Steve had his first date with Susie. He went to pick her up and her mom answered the door. She invited him in, and asked him what they planned to do on their date. Steve replied that they’d probably see a movie then get a burger. Susie’s mom said, “Well, Susie really likes to screw.” Steve said, “Huh?” Her mom said, “Yes, she loves it. She could probably screw all night.” “Okay, thanks!” replied Steve, mentally rearranging his plans for the night. A few minutes later Susie came downstairs and they left on their date. About a half hour later Susie came running back in the house, her clothes disheveled, and yelled: “Mom, it’s called the TWIST! The name of the goddamn dance is the TWIST!”

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Hey girl, ever tried a double dildo with a man before? ;)

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Hi there, the voices in my head are telling me to talk to you.

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you look like my mother

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I'll punch ya!

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bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

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Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!