-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Guy: Hey, I think you're really sweet... Girl: Aww, thanks Guy: Is that why you're so fat?

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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"is that a ladder in your tights? or a fire escape for the crabs?"

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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I'll punch ya!

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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free candy....

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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Guy texting random girl: *u must b wearing space pants cuz ur a*s is out of this world *no im wearing baseball pants cuz my a*s is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!