- Anti-Pickup Line

Hey, I got some of the worst ratings on Horsehead network! Really? Moral: You bet!

Guy texting random girl: u must b wearing space pants cuz ur as is out of this world no im wearing baseball pants cuz my as is out of ur leage (this girl deserves an award)

To my story below, I now remember why she never took me seriously... While I was staring at her erect nipples she asked me if I was gay, I replied "uhuh", to everything as I was too busy looking at what I could have grabbed that day... Moral: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! Today she looks uh... less appealing in more ways than one.... but lets not go into details, I need to get something out here... FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! In 40 years at my deathbed: The only thing I regret is... is... DAMN! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Ya know what would look good on you? ME!

The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen doughnuts waiting for him at his door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

bitch: I like it when guys punch me. Me: I love it when you shut the hell up and leave.

Guy: Hey :) Guy: Hey to you too :) Don't jump to conclusions people. They're gay.

-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

There's a reason why they call my penis the Bunker Buster.

Are you doing push-ups with your knees down? Cuz im not sure if this is working out.

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

M: Woah I am drunk baby... But I gotta say... you`re the hottest bitch in town! B: Bark bark!

Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

Did it hurt when you fell from the whore tree and banged every single guy on your way down?

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

Are you a Potato? Because I love Potatoes.

Woman: Hey is it true you black men have big penises? Black Man: Hell yeah woman! Mine is so big, its at least three times longer than my fist and at least 4 times as wide! Lets go get some hoe! Woman: Uh... well uh... its just that... uh... Moral: Be careful for what you wish for, when fantasy becomes reality... it may hurt....

Man: Dayuuuum slaps ass Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!