I hate you already.

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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free candy....

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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He: You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She: You are so handsome when you keep your mouth shut.

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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I'll punch ya!

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Hi there, stand still, hmm, hmm... Well, your tits are firm, lets feel up ya pussy too huh? Then your... other thingie... Why you runnin? Moral: Believe in stuff!

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Guy: Hey babe, does the carpet match the drapes? Girl: How do you feel about hardwood?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-Hey, have we met before? -No, because I don't remember ever seeing a face that made me this nauseous.

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Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!