Him: What's it like in Hell? Her: Why are you asking me that? Him: Because you're the devil and I know where the f*ck you came from; I can see you're horny.

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Classic story time: Shit that happens out there. Girl: Omg that guy called you a douche! Go punch him! Or else my respect for you is gone. Man: Hey, you called me a douche right? Well... FALCOWN PAWNCH! Girl: Omg you are so violent, my respect for you is gone. Moral: Really, I am speechless... Its a lose/lose situation.

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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HONEY! I SEE MEDUSA!!!!!!!!!!! oh wait, it was just you

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Boy: You know the keyboard says that U and I are together. Girl: It also says JK

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Men. We must always hold the door open, Pull the chairs out and pay for our women whilst remembering to treat them as equals.

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Wife: I have a confession to tell you my wife said to me one day... Before we got together I was raped by a masked man and I really liked it. Me: I know.

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*Girl walks into restaurant* - Hi, are you sap666 from the dating site? - I'm going to kill your family! Since then, socially awkward penguin never dated anymore....

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Intro music with slow motion running starts as I shut off the tv forever

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Him - Would you like to dance? Her - NO! Him - I'm sorry. I think you misunderstood me. I said, "You look fat in those pants."

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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excuse me my eyes are up here thats great........where are your nipples

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Hello children! :D

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-Why is one breast bigger than the other? -because I popped it and all the silicone leaked out

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Guy: wow! Why are you naked and on top of me? Girl: What are you talking about! We are at a bar! Guy: Oh sorry I am a psychic and keep getting flashes of the near future...

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my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

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While I am certain that the police consider you a person of interest, I assure you I do not.

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Ps: I was signing books today, and some douche asked me: Are you that Neronism dude on Horsehead? YOu suck! Anyway, Fuck Neronism. Nero (the other one and his "peeps" are fuckups. (Below: Well actually Tina said if my wife can join, just as my wife said yes... ...And you would think that screwing somebody else after asking your wife is immoral... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE MY WIFE BECAUSE OF WHO SHE IS? Its called trust people *cape flowing in the air moon in background* Trust! NeroMetal I play Street Fighter V, And am an author, and I guess I get laid a lot... AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT NERONISM OR THAT OTHER ASSHOLE IS! I just called myself asshole...

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At a bar (for originality`s sake :P) Man: Hello would you want to come home with me and uckucukucekcuah cough... AAAAAARRrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh (dies of heart attack) Woman: Wow that was an original line, ok ill come home with you... err... hello... uh... is everything okay? Moral: Despite this "joke" death is rarely a good pickup line.

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You are the personification of beauty. ,..Wanna Shag?

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play rapee? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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How you doin? go away- I have a gun

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!