Man: What did you say this horrible machine did look like? Woman: It was terrible it was like a man sized yellow and red robot that shoot lasers! After I refused its offer to come home with him he shoot lasers and destroyed my house... buah ;( ;( Man: That is terrible! Despicable! We have to do something about this! Such a beautiful supermodel should never go trough such a terrible atrocity! Woman: Buah... sigh... sniff... I know... but it was terrible! Man: so so my lady... you can come live with me in my giant mansion and we can have a couple of drinks to calm your nerves and relax... ;) Woman: Thank you Mr.Stark... Man: Oh Just call me Iron Ma... I mean Tony!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Muslim guy: "Hey can I get your number?" Chick:"Nine eleven"

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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-As I slipped my finger in her hole I could feel her getting wetter and wetter, When I pulled it out she was going down on me. I should probably start looking for a new boat...

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Hey girl, you a single mom I heard, I love that. Really? :D SURE! Hey just between us, how sexy are your kids on a scale from one to over nine thousand? Moral: Watch out ladies, I can only take care of so many of you... (you have kids? Meh, get lost,nothing personal, just you know... your kid)

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Hey girl, want to meet the guy with the largest dick in town ;)? Wow yeah sure! Yeah that would be like cool rite? Moral: The biggest? *looks down pants* Meh!

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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free candy....

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did it hurt ? did what hurt? when your fell from heaven? because it looks like you landed on your face :O

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Male: Paper or plastic? Female: What? Male: Paper or plastic, you know, to put over your head.

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- Hey, I have 40 minutes to live and need to feel the touch of a woman to live. -I'm a dude.

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Man: GET IN THE VAN! Woman: NO! Man: Well... How about the Limo? Its got beverages and caviar and... Woman: OOH :D Moral: Always go for the limo first,

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(in a bar) Guy: Know how to play any instruments? Girl: No...but I wanna learn. Can you teach me? Guy:Sure..ever heard of the skin flute? Girl: (unaware) No. Can you teach me to play it? Guy: Sure, I can. :) (The girl leaves with the guy as he looks over his shoulder and winks with the thought of getting laid)

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Let's not turn this rape into a murder..

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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I'll punch ya!

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Guy: Where have you been all my life? Girl: In my room hiding from you.

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- Yo baby can I have your number? - Sure! My number is one *sticks up middle finger*

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-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!