Wanna come home to my star destroyer and play with my lightsaber? No? How about just a trip down the Enterprise bridge to have fun with my romulans?... if you know what I mean? ;) ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +7

No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Man: Hello there young lady, I am Elton John and I would very much like to have sex with you! Girl: OMG ITS... Wait! Wow you look a lot like him! But you cannot be real lol *leaves* Man: Man... I look and dress just like him! What could have gone wrong? Man getting the operation cost me a fortune too! Next time I am gonna try Freddie Mercury! Moral: "Dats gay Fifthy cen... I mean Gangstalicious!"

thumb_up thumb_down -5

Husband: Honey, I heard that when you die, you come back as a different creature! Wife: Really!? I want to come back as a cow!! Husband: You're obviously not listening.

thumb_up thumb_down -19

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

thumb_up thumb_down -25

He: Did it hurt? She: When I fell from heaven? heard it before... He: No, when you fell from the ugly tree!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

man: may I impale you on my stake? woman: O.o (for goth girls)

thumb_up thumb_down -45

my girlfriend is really insecure about her weight so much so that I'm thinking about detaching the reverse alarm

thumb_up thumb_down -77

M: Your clothes look great on you. They would even better on my floor. F: No they wouldn't, they would just get dirty. M: You and me should get dirty then. F: Why would I want to get dirty, I'm perfectly fine being clean?

thumb_up thumb_down +114

M. Excuse me Miss. You have seamen on the back of your jacket. W. Are you sure? It could just be Yoghurt. M. Most Definitely. I don't Cum Yoghurt.

thumb_up thumb_down +54

- Hey baby, what's your sign? - Dead End.

thumb_up thumb_down +46

Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Guy: Did you use Windex on your pants? Girl: No, why? Guy: Because I see myself in your pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Boy: did it hurt when you fell from heaven Girl: I'm a antsiest

thumb_up thumb_down +18

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

thumb_up thumb_down +4

I am Lucifer, my color is blue I already got my queen TO HELL WITH YOU! Moral: Know my name and fear it, I am now and forever.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -2

-Heyyy there (; -Im lesbian.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

thumb_up thumb_down -30

I love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.

thumb_up thumb_down -44

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!