Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

Pointless truth? Man: Hey, there is always a really slutty dressed woman at every bar with a cowboy hat, fake tits and really spread legs, why? Woman: To get ignored. Moral: SUUUUUUUUUUUUURE!

Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

Do u remember me from middle school? I could never forget you

Girl: You know I've never kissed a boy....... Boy: Me too

-Good afternoon miss, would you care to try our new line of perfume? -Sure what's it called? -Chloroform...

hey babe, are you made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium? because i like people made of copper, tellerium, tungsten and iridium.

sHe; Theirs a "L" in love. he; and theirs a L in Lick my penis.

Can you leave your door unlocked and your underwear drawer open when you go to work?

Male: It's super hard and long. Female: I have always been under the impression that the GED is relatively simple.

Man: If I were to rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together Woman: So, all you want to do is make MANJUICE? you disgust me...

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

I'll punch ya!

Twinkle winkle little star, cuz my star is what you are... Moral: Heh, that one might actually work if you do it spontaneously and mean it, damn I keep failing at making bad pickuplines, I am so good I cannot fail! I WANT TO FAIL! (Legal disclaimer: Not really I just go hi-wire after... "flirting" yeaaaaaaah lets be subtle now "Moral" Man)

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

I'll eat your poop

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!