Hold me pint love i'm going for a dump.

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Charmeleon is Red, Squirtle is Blue, If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you.

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He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

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Are you an angel? 'Cause you're the only ten I see.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Hello im a thief and I'm here to steal your purse

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Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

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-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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girl - leave! boy - no girl - leave now! boy - i cant girl - why boy - i broke my foot girl - oh

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Man: Wanna come to my place? Woman: Maybe if you take of the ski-mask and black clothing... Man: But then you'll ruin the surprise! :(

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Man: Hey baby, I hear you are lesbian, that sounds really sexy! ;) Woman: Take the damn hint asshole! I am a lesbian! Man: Hey! Woah! Relax! I already know where you come from, say, are all girls in Lesbia this hostile? Moral: They are friendlier in south Lesbia...

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How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

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Ay Girl. Lemme squirtle on yo jigglypuffs

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- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

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are u an angle because i have a boner oh what fail

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Man: Well I usually do not bang women your uh... particular size, I mean you are a bit too big for me and um... I got standards... nothing personal but... I uh.. well ok lets try... I guess I stick it here and... Man2: HEY what the hell are you doing to my trailer you drunk bastard! Moral: Standards... we all have it.... just not that much of it...

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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-Your the hottest girl i have ever met -I'm a man

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Guy: Hi, I am sexually attracted to you. May I walk over to the bar and purchase you a drink and then another and then another untill you become intoxicated and more likely to allow me to have sexual intercourse with you? Girl: You speak funny. Get lost.

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Man: Hello there my name is... Woman: I wish you where water... Man: So you can swallow me? Hey not so fast baby! I dont like em fast. Woman: You did not let me finish! Man: Whatever, gotta go... Moral: Girls... women... you may be mysterious, but unlocking your secrets is my favorite pastime... I CHARRENGE YOU!... Then again I never liked women throwing themselves at me without me saying a word (not that it happens very often)¨ Ps: I see some other people have started to add "morals" to their stories, without success sadly, keep going kids, and people will always of course know who the real "Moral man is" because of the cheap nature of my fantastically silly and "dragged out of the ass" nature of my morals...

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

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why did the boy laugh? A:he saw another boy get raped by a giant scorpian

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hey i know spanish french german russian and Punjabi. got a talented tongue ;)

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!