Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

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"Are you my Appendix? Because I have a funny feeling in my stomach that makes me feel like I should take you out." "I charge $80 with anesthesia, $40 without."

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Male: are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see. Female: no, I'm from Idaho. Because I da ho.

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- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

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Me noob days again: She: So, you like it here sweetheart? Me: Excuse me, why the hell are you rubbing my leg? She: Would you prefer I rub something else? Me: What the hell am I doing here anyways Duh! Then I sober up at home... And ran towards the shower, its really not that easy to drown yourself to death in a shower is it?

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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Man: Hey you female? Cuz I am a horny man and... *door slams*

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Your so hot my pants will explode if I don't take them off now...

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girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

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Did it hurt when you fell from heaven... Because it looks like you landed on your face!

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If you were a booger i'd pick you first. -that, is fucking disgusting.

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: *sigh* Did what hurt? (Expecting him to say "When you fell from heaven") Boy: When you broke through the earths crust, ascending from hell.

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Male: Did it hurt??? Female: What, when I fell from heaven? Male: No, the first time you did anal!!!

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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are you a brush because you just swept me off my feet

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Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

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No more morals? I read his crap for hours! Moral: ;( Bye man.

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Boy: How much does a Polarbear weigh? Girl: How much? Boy: Just as much as me, hi my name is Ahron

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Do you why I know we're going to have sex tonight?

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- you're so fat! - I know you are, but what am I? -awwww, thanks man!!! -I didn't mean it like that!

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Man trying to be smart: Man: HELP THERE IS A GIANT BOMB DOWN MY PANTS! ITS BULGING AND ITS GONNA EXPLODE KILLING US ALL! Nurse: ILL REMOVE IT! GRABS "EXPLOSIVE EQUIPMENT" AND RIPS IT OFF" Nurse: Weird this organic bomb looks like a peni.. Man: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGG Moral: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHhhhhhhhhhhhhhgEsgRSGRSRfRSfSFSr

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Are you Jamaican? Because I love black women

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Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!