- If i could rearange the alphabet i'd puit you and i together. - That's not necessary because N and O are already together.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

-Your father must be an alien because your out of this world -More like out of your league

thumb_up thumb_down +28

You have a laugh like my favorite porn star.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

guy: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together Girl: Its a good thing N and O are already together

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Every breath you take Every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take I'll be watching you Every single day Every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay I'll be watching you

thumb_up thumb_down +2

On a scale from one to ten, you're about a two.

thumb_up thumb_down

Me: Have you ever dreamed, of owning a thousand sparkly gems? Woman: No why? You got some? Me: No, but now but now we can dream together t under the sparkling stars under the sky... Moral: Hey, she said aww... And touched my hand before chatting with her friend... and as I turned my hand... was a piece of paper, with a written number...

thumb_up thumb_down -4

Guy - Did it hurt? Girl - Giving birth to my triplets? Yes, it was like shitting a walrus.

thumb_up thumb_down -6

girl - holy sausage! boy - what happen! girl - i broke my foot! boy - oh!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Man: Put your face over my fist as I say shinku Woman: Huh? Ok whatever.... SHOOOOOOOOOORYUKEEEEEEN!

thumb_up thumb_down -20

Man with huge arms and HUGE muscles enters a... pub! (for variety`s sake) "Hey you like fisting!" Woman: Yeah kinda.. I mean HOLY SHIT NO! I DONT PLEASE STOP NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHH! Moral: Get a room you two! (a moral man original)

thumb_up thumb_down -70

Black dude at bar: HERE COMES THE COLE-TRAIN BABY! WANNA RIDE! Girl: So I assume your name is Cole right? Dude: Uh... actually no but... WAIT! where are you going!

thumb_up thumb_down -92

Huge blue man: I AM THE APOCALYPSE! YOU ARE NOT FIT TO SURVIVE! Woman: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Huge blue man: "facepalm" THIS GAME, IS OVER! Moral: Dont start out too strong...

thumb_up thumb_down -152

How about you swing by my place so we can do some complex algebraic functions.

thumb_up thumb_down +93

My friends just bet me 50 dollars that I couldn't pick you up if I came over and spoke with you, would you like a few free drinks on their money?

thumb_up thumb_down +39

He-Are you from Tennesse? Still He-Cu'z I wanna suck ur face off..

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +17

GUY- Are you from heaven.....cuz it sure as hell doesn't look like it.

thumb_up thumb_down +15

What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Boy- Did it hurt when you fell- Girl- From heaven?!? AWWW <3 Boy- No the whore tree when you banged every guy on the way down.

thumb_up thumb_down -5

HI, DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL ME DOCTOR RABBIT THE HYMEN DESTROYER? Nero the clit collector: Actually this works pretty good, just wear a random rabbit costume, cut a hole where your CAWCK is, and make sure they are girls under twelve or below (because it kinda loses its meaning with little boys but fuck it anyways, yeah fuck it! FUCK IT TO THE LIMIT!) I work at a daycare center: Because I care.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Nero: My name is Nero... Woman: Why I mean you aint black? Nero: Sure about that? Moral: In the Darkness... We are all the same...

thumb_up thumb_down +92

Hey bitch wanna fuck! SURE! Nah you too sleasy. Moral: And the masters of the universe.

thumb_up thumb_down +60

- Did it hurt? - What? - When you were catapaulted from the firey bowels of Hell?

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!