You are almost as beautiful as my mother.

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Where have you been all my life?! Said the 78 year old alzheimers patient to his teary eyed wife of 50 years.

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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the roses were red and the violets were nice but if you want to get with me you better up the price

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What happens when a drunk swedish man prank calls 911 from a local bar? The ambulance comes

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I have a twin bed...we should have a threesome;)))

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I DROPPED MY LAPTOP IN THE RIVER IT WAS ADELE ROLLING IN THE DEEP ( A DELL ROLLING IN THE DEEP)

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I asked my friend who the prettiest girl in here is, and he told me to ask you because you seemed more familiar with everyone here.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? What you don't know? In this day and age? Don't you have like google or something on your smart phone. geeeesh!

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man: Desperate for sex? Woman: Actually, kinda... Man: Great! Woman: :D Man: Because you see, my grandpa is dying of aids and wants to spread his disease so part of him can live in... Where you going? Moral: Desperate for sex? Too bad I have a pulmonary infection rite nao.

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Female: You're hot! Male: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha get in the van.

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guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

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Male: hey sexy whats your sign? Female: dead end!

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roses are red violets are blue i have a knife get in the van

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- Did it hurt, when you fell from heaven? - Nah, angels like me, have wings.

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Man and woman in bed: Man: You know I am somewhat a deviant right? Woman: Sure but I am drunk so lets just do it.. Man: I AM SO GONNA BANG YOU! (Man throws dynamite at woman) Woman: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUU Moral: BANG INDEED... case closed.

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Man: Lust is a terrible thing! Woman: I agree. Man: So come home with me and help me get rid of it.

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Guy: How much does a polar bear way? Girl; About 500 kilograms

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-How much does a polar bear weigh? -It is impossible to know the exact weight of a polar bear where no scale or bear are present.

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A goat goes to the store and asks the store clerk where the potatoes are. The clerk told the goat to check aisle 5 for the potatoes. The goat goes to aisle 5 and there were no potatoes.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

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Don't turn this rape into a murder.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!