jack sanders

thumb_up thumb_down -65

A cat falls into a pool and a rooster laughs. Moral of the story, a wet p**** makes a happy c***

thumb_up thumb_down -16

I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

guy: you're so beautiful, did you fall from heaven? girl: if I was I would be dead by now hun?

thumb_up thumb_down -42

I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

thumb_up thumb_down -68

here's 20p, phone your Mum... she'll be the last person you ever speak to so be nice

thumb_up thumb_down +17

Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Yeah, because I landed on a mailbox, and hit the area between my legs really hard. It's a mess down there. Blood everywhere. And something's oozing, but I don't know what the liquid coming out is. *person who spoke first runs away. bystanders laugh*

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Are you jamacian? Cause your jamacian me crazy? no you're a fucking whore

thumb_up thumb_down -45

Man: How much does a polar bear weight? Girl: No idea... Man: Me either... By the way! Did you hear of the great blahblahblahblah that did blahalblahblah! Moral: Breaking the ice... easier than it seems...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

At a bar: Hello! Moral: Keep the damn lines short! (A moral man original, not to be confused with the exploding bar or whoever put morals in their sstories, feel free to do so though! I mean anyone can see from the quality whose are mine ;)

thumb_up thumb_down +10

Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Losers pick-up sex guide. 1. Create a beautiful environment at home, with candles, romantic music, etc. 2. Buy lube, some sexy female underwear, a couple of sex toys, some erotic magazines to excite you`re partner. 3. Pick-up you`re stuff and masturbate.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Tenth year anniversary female edition: Love, for each day my love grows stronger for you. Too bad honey, I married a old man and was hoping you would be dead by now. Oh! What a shock! Do you really mean that? Sigh... No, whispers: I was just hoping that would give you a stroke that's all) What was that last thing you said? Nothing "dear" Moral: Cyanide, just mash the seeds of six apples, use a syringe and presto! Dead family!

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why didn't the boy make the soccer team? He missed the tryouts

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Im tired of fapping... wanna help me get some variation?

thumb_up thumb_down -35

Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

thumb_up thumb_down -47

-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

thumb_up thumb_down +58

Do Your feet hurt? Cause youve been stomping on my dreams for 3 years now

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Man: Hey, I write the most perverted mini stories on ANTIPICKUPLINE ;) Any woman: ME SO HONNY ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME! Moral: Hentai keeping peop... never mind... not into animated cartoons DO YOU THINK I AM A PERVERT OR SOMETHING?.. cant help it that my mother looks like a damn hot pornstar though...

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Lets play the Yes/No game the rules are you can only say yes or no once to the questions, No. 1 Are you beautiful?, No.2 Are you Lying?

thumb_up thumb_down -13

Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

thumb_up thumb_down -19

(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

thumb_up thumb_down -41

He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

-Hey babe, if you were homework, I'd do you on my couch, my table, and my bed. -Yeah? You just failed.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!