Man: Hey you look good enough to do Woman: Oh really because so does my 8 foot boyfriend. Man: ... Woman: Do you want me to pick him up from the gym?

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Boy: You remind me of the ocean Girl: Because I'm mysterious, adventurous, and romantic? Boy: No, because you make me sick

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the word of the day is legs lets go to your house and spread the word

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As original as it gets: Domestical... Dog with a top hat and monocle: Yap Yap! *wiggles tail* woof woof! Dog?: MEOW!! HISS! *scratches dog and throws her drink at his face or you know... something that increases dramatic tension* and leaves. Dog: HOWL! *whimpers* :( *throws top hat away* Moral: They say every dog has his day, but I do not think this relationship was never meant to work out :(

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Shorts and pants compilation: Hey you a cheap prostitute or just out of my league? Hey mom I just watched some more hentai today and wonder if you would... Why are you screaming? Its just me naked with a boner! According to hentai its completely natural! I mean I am getting to do you when I turn eighteen right? No? You are a horrible mother! I am so telling dad you wont give it up! Bitch, you like men that beat you up while fucking you? You do? Oh, my! This is like too freaky too me! *runs out girlie screaming* Dad, I watched some other hentai today and, I wonder if you... Moral: *Pants*, there you go.

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Have you ever heard of World of Warcraft?

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- Professor Dumbledore, where are we? - You're dead, stupid. Snape trolled you.

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Hi! Do you like fat guys with no money?

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I may have never f*cked a 10 before, but I did f*ck five 2's.

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In regard to the post below. I'm not even joking, one of my mates actually said that to a girl.

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Man: May I have this dance? Woman: Take it, it's all yours [goes away]

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-Good thing I brought my library card, 'cause I'm checking you out! -What a shame, it's expired.

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Put the lotion on the skin!

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Boy : Gurle: hi

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(boy gives flowers to a girl) Girl: Are these for me? Boy: Nope, I just want you to hold them for me for a second..

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MAN- You're trying to imagine me naked aren't you? WOMAN- No. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

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Hey baby, I wanna solve your equation with longggg devision! ;)

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I understand why you not married!, you snort and farting all night, bye

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male: hey i like you can i have your number female: what number? male: your pin number i want your money

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He- You've got something on your ass. She- What? He- Oh never mind, it's just a period stain.

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Flipping a coin to give you my number or not to give you my number

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Hey, Are You From Tennessee, Because Your License Plate Says Tennessee.

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Man:Are you in college? Woman:Yeah. Berry College. Lots of cows... Man:Well my name is Murad. You know, like, Moo to the radical. Moo, like, cows...

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-Are you free anytime soon? -No. I'm very expensive

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!