Yo imma let you finish yourself off

Boy:can i go out with you? Girl: no

I lost my Nobel prize, can you help me find it?

Shaved your beard, so I can see you're a woman.

"Have you ever seen a 2-incher?"

If i could rearrange the alphabet, id put my dick in your mouth.

At a cemetery: Girl: This place is so creepy at night... I should have left sooner... Man: RAWRGH! BRAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!!!! Girl: EEEEEEEEEEEEK! (runs away) Man *takes off makeup and fake blood* Man; Well, I guess that did not work... Moral: If they dont like you while you are alive, there are always un-dead options...

greetings clarisse...

Okay, I lied, the one below actually kinda works, people get impressed, it is quite the accomplishment you know... But since I am gonna get married soon I don't pick up as much as I should anyways. Moral: Man

boy: you remind me of the 20 letters of the alphabet girl: there's 26 boy: how could I forget U R A Q T girl: that's 5 boy: you can get the D later girl: you mean the V?

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Blob fish are ugly and so are you.

Guy: So how about that Tom Cruise??? Guy: ... I'm in the wrong type of bar...

Talk to me or I'll burn your face with this acid.

Guy: If you look at your keyboard, you see U and I together. Girl: Look underneath. It says JK.

- Ma'm, do you have a cigarette? - I don't really want one, I just wanted to start a conversation with you.

-Wanna have sex? -No -Damn

Lesbihonest

Yeah... you'll have to do.

So, I hear you want to rape Nathan Skye's body.

I need a fire extinguisher, because my heart is on fire! If you ever talk to me again, I will need a fire extinguisher because I will set myself on fire.

Are you a fart? Because you just blew me away.

Guy: Hey babe, do you have a GPS... I'm lost in your eyes. Girl: Make a U-Turn

Hey Clarkson, you know about this pointless invention Named Nero The Moral man? Clarkson: No. Nero: No. Is this because horsehead network sucks? Clarkson: Yes. Nero: WTF AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE! Oh yeah I am fucking it away... Fuck me, every girl around me just ends up completely fucked.... ;)

Hey, you're cute... lets bang.

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!