I have a really big..... Bank Account

*When you get her to your place* I'm just going to be honest. I've been on the FBI's most wanted list for quite some time now.

What do you do for a living?" "I'm a professional athlete." "Oh really? What sport do you play?" "Golf.

Would you like a free breast reduction consultation?

Ay Girl. Can I get yo digletts?

He: pick a number between 1 and 10 Her: 8 He: you lose take your top-off!

At a huge bar only known as Castlevania... Woman: Get lost loser! Why would I wont pay you "tribute" you pervert! Man: It was not by my hand that I am once again given flesh.... I was called here by humans who wish to pay me tribute! Woman: What do you mean? You are totally insane and make no sense at all! Man: Perhaps the same could be said of ALL religions.,, Woman: You are quite the nutjob man... Man: What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets! But enough talk... Have at you! Woman: EEEK! Man: But what is this? Did I just attack a woman wearing a cross? Is your last name Belmont? Woman: Yeah So? Is there a problem with my HOLY CROSS! *Man on fire*: WHAT? THIS CANNOT BE! ARGH!!!!!!! Moral: Die monster! You don't belong in this world!

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I wouldn't it's fine the way it is

From 1 to America how free are your tonight? North Korea

A Kid goes to Band Camp and comes back noticeably better at the Trumpet.

MAN: hey, are youa gust of wind? cause you blow me away! WOMAN: really? that makes me happy! i was getting kinda sick of you being here!

Okay, now one where I actually succeeded okay? I know this is not like "goodpickuplines.com nor anything but hey... She: I used to have the nicest goldfish. Me: I got one myself. She: Really? Is it at your place? Me: Duh! She: Lol can we go see it? Me: Sure!... Oh wait... Oh, it died last week :( She: Can we like you know... still go see it? ;) *That sound you get when you score a billion billions on an arcade machine*

I've got a black belt in lovin'.

- You look really nice - I know

If you go out with me there might be some smegma in it for you.

Sexual harassment, it can be a touchy subject.

"How'd you get the black eye?" "I called Yolanda a two-bit whore." "What did she hit you with?" "A sack of quarters."

You're one-in-a-million. That means there is roughly 7,000 people exactly like you in the world.

Hey chicks! I am a very experienced suicide bomber, I was even in the plane that blew up the world trade center A ;) ¨ Moral: This must be the worst pickupline ever for oh so many reasons on so many levels...

Hey, does this smell like chloroform to you?

Guy: So do you wanna come over to my place? Girl: Not really but thanks for the offer.

Dating tips 101: First you find a girl that likes you. Then you realize no girl likes you. Moral: Lesson done.

I'd hit that.... with a truck.

Roses are red Violets are blue Get in the car I want to rape you

Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!