Female Police officer: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: Boobies.

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-Hey, is there a fire extinguisher around here? 'Cause you're smoking hot. -Actually, there IS a fire extinguisher. I was about to slam you in the face with it.

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Are those space pants? Cause there's not enough space in my house to fit your ass.

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I'd take you to the zoo but you might be mistaken for an elephant

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If you were attacked by a bear with chainsaw arms i hope it stays away from your face, because I think you're cute.

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Guy: Have you ever been surfing? Girl: No; Yes Guy: Wanna surf in my jizz?

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Mother: Fuck me son fuck me harder. Me: Mother no! My body is not ready aaaaaaaaaarghhh! Moral: Why do dreams have to stop when it gets good? Dont know son, ready for round two?

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A long time ago I had a vision of someone like you. I was in a psych ward, wearing a straight jacket. Would you like some blended cheese?

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Business Y U No Advertise?

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I AM FAGNETO! WELCOME TO GAY!

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Man: Hey, I'm Red. You like to walk? Woman: No. I prefer to run. Away from you

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Guy - Do you want to go outside and play R-a-p-e? Girl - No, Guy - That's the spirit

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have some money, how much are you?

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How much per quarter hour? Actually do you do 10 minute blocks?

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"Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

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Did it hurt when you burst through the concrete emerging from hell? Yes, yes it did.

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Guy: Your eyes are like the stars. Girl: Is it because the way they sparkle? Guy: No because they are really far apart.

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A blond, a brunette and a black haired girl are all stuck on an island....stupid women.

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Is there a mirror in your pocket?... Because if so, you should probably take it out and, uh, fix what you have going on there.

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Man: (puts on a stern face and mans up) Hey you random hoe, wanna have sex? Woman: Sigh... sure why not... at least you dont play games. Man: WHAT? IT WORKED? IT WORKEEEEED?! OMG truCKINg goD wOooooot wooooooot hell I aM gonna get laid tonight it finally worked yaehaieHeiAHEIHAIEHIAHE Wootowtowot I AM GONNA LOSE MY VIRGI... Woman: never mind, you are too noisy... Moral: Desperation... harder to hide than you think..

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"I prefer animals... but your so ugly you remind me of my dog"

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Man: So, what's your sign? Woman: Out to lunch. Back whenever!

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-Hey, I lost my number. Can I have yours? -No.

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You have lovely eyes. They'll look better in a pile on my floor in the morning.

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!