-hey girl, you must be a pirate cause you got a lot of booty

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-If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put 'U' and 'I' together. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would take 'U' out entirely.

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If you were Mufasa I'd help scar push you off the ledge

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I have the smallest erected dick in town, if you don't believe me ask my mama!

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Man: Your tag's showing. It says "Made in Heaven". Woman: *Proceeds to leak period blood into a puddle at the man's feet and walks away in silence*

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GIRL: I bet you say that to all the girls you meet. MAN: How much you want to bet? No wait, I better not make that bet. (or) MAN: Only half the ones I get this far in conversation with. The other half are a little bit easier to get in bed with.

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Boy: Wanna go see a movie. Girl: Which movie. Boy: Texas Chainsaw Massicure. Girl: What is it about. Boy: Unicorns and Rainbows. Girl: Let's go!

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Girl! you are almost as awesome as horsehead network! Moral: I got balls of steel!

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Man: Honey, I can't choose between watching golf or porn? Wife: Porn. You already know how to golf.

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What's a good comeback if a guy asked me "Bring me a sandwich"?? -COmeback with the goddamn sandwich

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Guy: I lost my phone number, Can I have yours? Girl: Your phone service would help you get a new one.

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Still a better love story than Twilight

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-Want to get on your knees and suck my dick? -No thanks, I have enough Tic Tacs at home.

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-ILY -Aw. Spell it out it will make it more special. -I'm Leaving You

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If you were a booger, I would pick up you first.

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Man: Hey is your name Zelda? Woman: Huh? What kind of stupid name is THAT! Man: EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! Woman: What a dork... Moral: The man did not link with the woman that night... nor ever it seems...

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Damn girl! You`re fat and ugly! its ok though, cuz Im desperate!

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male:hey what that between your leggs female: my sisters penis

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Did it hurt? Did what hurt? When you fell from heaven.. and crushed all the people below (for a fat girl)

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And then it hit me...no really now I'm bleeding

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Him: Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely beautifull...?? Her: (smiles) and says no.. Him: there is a good reaseon for that..

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Hey baby, i like your hair -girl takes off wig

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Real life: Me at age 17 or something after sex... Me: Thank you! The girl gives me an ugly look left and I never saw her again (whatever she was fugly) Moral: For real guys, never EVER thank a girl for sex!

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why cant you comb your hair cuz you got cancer othere guy :ahahahaah fag

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!