In a loud bar: Man: Do you enjoy gRape? Woman: HOW DARE YOU YOU PERVERT! Man: Uh... how about raisins then... Woman: Err... can you repeat that first question again... Moral: I would but I would have to bypass the censorship somehow...

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If you were a booger i would pick you Good thing you have no hands

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Are you from tennessee? Because your inbred and retarted.

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Boy-Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Girl-Not until I heard that horrible pick-up line.

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do you clean your pants with windex cause i can see myself in them

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You must be tired... I assume you are because I am after following you on your four mile run through the park today.

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roses are red, violets are blue, my toe hurts.

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Sigh, reminds me I am banging a girl named Tina, and one named Line right? Plus my wife whose name I wont reveal because she matters (Line, Tina, you do not!) Anyway, when people ask me "what the hell was that noise Nero (No idea what Neronism is, fuck him for stealing my name) I tell them "meh I was just screwing Line and Tina" People always go like... Man... YOU DONT HAVE TO LIE TO ME SON! YOU GOT STREET CRED HERE MODAFOCA! Tina and Line? You cant come up with better names SON? EH? If you wanna lie to me again SON, Then you get some original names SON! And I go like... So, can your sister sit down now? And he goes all like SHEET, was that you? Nice score man! And then I went "thats your sister you know that right?" Anyway, you want me now? INSTA ANTI PICKUPLINE... BECAUSE WHO NEEDS PICKUPLINES AT ALL! I AM JUST BEING MEEEEEEEEEEE! AND YOU MIGHT HATE ME!!!!!!! BUT YOU WOMEN STILL END UP TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU HATE THAT GUY YOU FUCKED LAST NIGHT! AND YOUR GIRLFRIENDS! Man... I need another Smoke... SMOKE WINS FAILTALITY. Ps: Yo Harris, stop congratzing me for banging your sister, she is not a nice catch for youz! She is your sistah DUDE! STOP GIVING ME THE THUMBS UPS EVERYTIME SHE COMPLAINS HER ASS IS STILL SORE... I mean does he get it? Or does youz congrats me because you dont understand that Rebecca your "innocent" sister is really into anal something I usually just reserve for the... actually good girls...

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Hey gorgeous what are you drinking? Cyanide.

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Hey wanna have sex and get married! ......... sorry.......

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M: On a scale of one to America, how free are you tonight? F: North Korea

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Man: HELP! HELP! MY PENIS IS GONE! SOMEONE HELP ME FIND IT! Woman: OMG I am a nurse, we must find it before its too late! Where did you last see it? Man: It... it was around inside my pants somewhere... It should not be too hard to find it... cuz its pretty big...

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-You wanna get laid tonight? -You wanna never have sex again?

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Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas?

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hey baby i just came in my pants

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If you were on a shelf at build a bear workshop ....... I would stuff you , except it wouldn't be with cotton

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- hey id like my order for you - ok we put extra punch with it these days

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Man: Your body is a temple! Woman: Sorry, no services today.

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The ability to speak with dead relatives but only whilst masturbating

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Man: Hey you are so pretty I bet you are a hooker! Woman: Uh.. thanks but no.. Man: Damn... I was hoping to get laid tonight...

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your boobs are bigger than my nose

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-Hey baby,what's your sign? (; -Do not enter. >_>

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- I'm a weatherman, and I'm predicting 9 inches tonight ;) - Oh? Well weathermen aren't always accurate, so it's probably more like 3 inches.

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How much do you love me? Look at the stars and count them Bu-but it's afternoon Exactly

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!