hi how u doin fine and u well bii have a nice day DONT TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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"Is this seat free?" "Yes, and if you sit on it, this seat will be free too"

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Hey baby, do you play soccer? Because I think I'm gonna score tonight. ... Well, you can't score if the player ain't no good.

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wanna try out my joystick? (gamer-joke)

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Excuse me lady, may I say that you got wonderful hands? Aww please yes. Would you like a drink my buy? Please :D How classy. Why thank you, would you fancy some hard anal sex on camera for end up on youtube? Moral: He is keeping it classy...

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Mirrors can't talk, luckily for you they can't laugh either

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you look fap-fap-fap-fabulous

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Man: You like nice guys? ;) Woman: No. Man: *bitchslap* get down on you`re knees and suck me bitch!

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Are your prices by the hour

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-Hey, do you have a cat? -Why do you ask? -Because I'd love to pet your pussy. -Well, that makes two of us.

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M. you have a sweet pussy. W. WHAT!? M. Your cat, she is very friendly

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd take you out back in the shed and screw you!

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Guy- I would do anything for you. Women- I wouldn't do you for anything!

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MAN: hey babe, do think that mabye someday I and U will be next to each other in the alphebet? WOMAN: well N and O are already, sooo.....

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You look like a dog... Wana bone?

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Hey girl! Faggot.

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Soon

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Boy: Did it hurt? Girl: Did what hurt? Boy: When a tractor fell on your face?

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Im like a thief and ill steal your virginity!

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Do you want to dance No I suppose a blow job is out of the question then

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You have the nicest smile I could ever hope to come across.

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By reason or by Strength, moral man has a serious side too, and I prevail. Moral: Threats... anyone in my unit threatening another would simply be thrown in jail for a couple of weeks, then kicked out, and using military equipment to threaten, trace and murder people is highly illegal. Asshole, troll or not, I will use my right and reason to have you removed permanently from the horsehead network if you persist.

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Hey girl, I just fixed your pipes, I got a pipe of my own that needs some fixing if you know what I mean ;) Moral: Pornography is a lie.

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Excuse me, does this rag smell like Chloroform to you?

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!