-I heard you broke up :). -Yes, cookies to put in my ice cream!

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Man: (in indian accent) HELLO I AM VERY RICH INDIAN MAN, I HAVE COLLECTION OF EXPENSIVE CARS AND LIMOS, I TAKE LADY HOME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO HER, THEN GIVE HER LOTSA JEWELS AND MONEY! Woman: Cool ill come home with you. Man: Uh... can you lend me money for the bus?

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i'm a doctor.... maybe i can fix that thing you call a face

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Man: GASP! Why is my penis inside your vagina? Why do you keep thrusting and screami... Woman: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ASSHOLE! Man: Uh... what where am... Oh... Forgive me, I am a psychic and I keep getting premonitions of the near future... Moral: GASP WHAT ARE YOU FEMALE READERS DOING WITH MY PINGAS INSIDE YOUR MOUTH!

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You're gorgeous! Can you smell that? Oh god it's awful!

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If your happy and you know it clap your hands!! What if I lost my hands in Nam while I was singing this song and a plane killed my friend causing me to ct off both of my hands?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Im a serial killer So GTFO before i kill you

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I hate you already.

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You look like one that does not charge for sex ;)

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause you d*** sure look like a demon!

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Man: Dayuuuum *slaps ass* Woman: I just took a shit in my pants and you smacked it.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

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-"Hey babe, you gotta nice ass!" -"Yep, and it doesn't like a rude one staring at it."

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The word of the day is legs. Lets go to your place and spread the word

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I have one thing to say to all the woman who look at me as a sex object. Hey.

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Guy -Are you from Tenessee? Girl -No. guy -oh, because you looked kinda southern.

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Man: Your rejections cannot hurt me! Im the JuggernautBitch! *grabs couch* WHOAAAAAAAAAARGH! Woman: *dead* Man: Jugs got jugs! Hey wake up bitch! HEY! I said wake up!... Moral: Works every time

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I can tell you are single. How? Because you're ugly

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free candy....

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Me: Hey lady, you are so fucking hot I want to... Lady: FUCK ME PLEASE ME SO HORNY! Moral: One can always dream... *yawn* Zzzzzzzmooth...

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I'll punch ya!

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Roses are red Violets are gold Get on your knees And do what your told

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Online Desperate Asians.com Man: Wow you are a cute asian girl! Where are you from? Girl: Thanks my name Aoi is I am from Japan, you look like nice older man! Man: Japan? Awesome! Remember when we nuked the hell out of your country? Happy days! SLAP A JAP! *Connection discontinued* Man: Eh really sorry, I just get nervous when I meet girls especially the cutest ones... Man: hello?

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I was born beautiful, But what the hell happened to you!

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Anti-Pickup Line

A collection of responses to pickup lines, and just bad ones in general!

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!